Response to Meriam's story

    I was looking at Meriam’s post and I saw that she made a post called Story Time. Here’s what she wrote at the end.

Also, the toddler became ill however the step mom believed it was just a regular flu and payed no special attention to him. The brother would escape to the family friend's home trying to escape his own problems. After a month or so the toddlers illness resulted in death and a month later the father had died in war.

       This post I will write is just kudos and some advice. First off, you should probably give names to the people. That would make it easier to understand what’s going on in the story. I understood what happened, but I had to read it 2-3 times to know what was going on. Then you should also make this an actual post and divide it into chapters. Then, if you made at least 15 chapters, you could even make it a book. That could be very nice reading.
    Another thing you could do is just organize it into paragraphs. Some dialogue could be nice too. Also, just as you said in the first paragraph, you should put it through the oldest son’s perspective. And if Corbally ever assigns an essay or something this year or next year, you could use this story for an essay or something. Two birds with one stone.
    All in all, I think that if you really put some time into the story, it would turn out really good. You should consider what I said about making this story into chapters earlier in he post.